My name is Satomi and I am 25 years old. I live in Kyoto, Japan and work for a large Japanese banking corporation. I have worked my way up to assistant manager. The only trouble is that I am all alone. I find it difficult to get up in the morning and I take too much time off sick. My boss regularly threatens to fire me but I don't care.

Each day that I go to work, I see people who have no joy in their lives. They look like they have the world on their shoulders. They always look sad and never speak to each other. It is as if to them, the world and the people in it doesn't exist. They put up with it because they have to. I wonder how many of them feel the way that I do? Am I the only one who is truly sad?

I get too work and greet my fellow colleges who go through the ritual of appearing happy, as do I. Do I want to reveal my true inner feelings to them and if I did, would they really care? The trouble is; would I believe anything they would have to say to me anyway? So I keep the sadness to myself. I keep the fact that I'm getting old and am no longer cute to myself as well. Once I've finished work for another day, I go straight home. I don't feel like being a hypocrite today. I don't see why I should spend any of what little free time I have with people who don't call me or ever visit.

I only have a few friends and when I do visit them, they spend most of their time chatting to people on the internet when I am there. I wonder why I bothered to visit in the first place. They make plans and regularly break them, or use the excuse of calling me to confirm that they will visit, but they never call and they never visit when they say they will. They wonder why they haven't seen from me, or why I haven't not called, but I lack the enthusiasm to even tell them.

I have no enthusiasm for anything in life and that is a bold statement to say, but it is true. I have been alone for so long and emotionally controlled, that I no longer know how to have fun and be myself. I wonder if I would recognise that young youthful individual, who seemed so happy when she left school and had the world at her feet. What would she say to me? She probably would tell me to stop wallowing in your own crapulence and go out there and take what I want. The trouble is that I doubt I would believe her and have history on my side to prove the point.

I flick through the TV channels searching for something that might be tolerable but never find it. So I go to bed and just wait for sleep or death to take me, which ever is quicker. I hear the same phrase going through my mind over and over again. “I'm on a downwards spiral to oblivion and the only saving grace is knowing that one day I will die!” Stop thinking and get to sleep; you have a big day tomorrow. Eventually sleep takes me and I can start to enjoy myself. For my dreams are the only pleasure that I might get or maybe they fill time quicker than being awake. If I had it my way, I would never wake up ever. I would sleep myself to death. In my dreams I feel needed and people need me and don't just use me. They come to visit me and I am not always alone in my small apartment. My phone does more that just take up space and I feel loved.

I wake up and tell myself that today will be different to any other day. I go to work as usual but instead of going into work, I go and buy myself a car. Once I have purchased the vehicle, I drive to the top floor of a parking lot. I look at the city which is beautiful and then get back in the car. I rev the engine for a while until someone comes to ask me to stop it. Without looking, I accelerate the vehicle fast fast as possible and crash through the brick wall.

I see a series of events flash before my eyes. I remember when I was young and was playing with my mother and father. I remember my first kiss, I remember being dumped for the first time and I remember when my heart was ripped out of my chest. My eye's focus back and a tear rolls down my my face. The last words that I utter is, “Good bye cruel world!"