I woke up in this deep dark hole months ago or it could be years, I don't know.  Without any light it is difficult to tell the passing of time in here.  There isn't any visible light source and I have no idea if it's underground, within a mountain or part of a house.  The dark is intense, to the point that sometimes I don't even bother to open my eyes.  There seems to be more colour when my eye lids are shut than when they are opened.

After many days searching in the dark, I have decided that it is probably round.  There aren't any doors at the base of the pit that I find myself in and I doubt that I will be seeing or hearing from anyone for a while.  Who am I?  Would you really care if I told you?  All you need to know is that I am the most inconsequential person in the world, who may have carried some gravitas at some point in my meaningless existence, but that was a long time ago in another life that may or may not have actually occurred.

With so much time on my hands and nothing to do, I find myself reminiscing of a time in my life that might have occurred and relive those moments that I think were mine.  In the dark it sometime plays tricks on the mind and can confuse what has happened in the past in my life and the lives of others.

Was it really me who won the 100 meter sprint five years in a row at school?  Did I really overcome epilepsy?  Was and is the world real or another delusion of my own mind?  Has I always been in the darkness and wasn't aware or intelligent to see the truth for what it is.  Had I been blinded to the truth and just twisted reality into something that suited my own desires and needs?

Dismiss those negative thoughts, they won't get you out of the predicament that you now have found yourself in.  One day you will look back on the time spent here and will laugh at it.  You will tell your grand children of the time you was given a second chance, a time to re-evaluate your life but for now all I hear is the beating of my heart and the shallow breathing from my mouth.

With absolutely nothing to do and having no hope, you would be amazed how many bizarre thoughts can pass through one's mind.  For example:  I think that the lowering of standards in society can be linked quite literally to religion and the church.  My sub conscious asks me how I came to that conclusion.  Ok sub, I'll explain.

Religion is nothing more than control, the same way that peer pressure is in schools and in the work place.  Religion promises a future that everyone who isn't deluded, realises is a pipe dream and those who aren't sure, go along with it just in case.  You are moulded into something you are not, told what to think, who to speak to and how your life should conform to their will.  If you was to try an do this to any other creature, it would look at you as if it was thinking, "do I look like I'm an idiot" and it would just walk off when you became a bore.  Now if you introduce emotional blackmail that is also incorporated into the mix and you have the person deny the most common desire, that is the desire to have sex and you have a bomb just waiting to explode.

Now imagine the sexual frustration that he or she may feel seeing everyone apparently have fun and they can't even whack off.  There friends are having a great time but they have become their own guard dog.  They wish they could join in but there heart has forced them to accept the teachings of man, under the guise of a god that may or may not exist and all because this god has offered a world that has no chance of success.  This person be it male, be it female, the difference isn't that great, starts to take matters into their own hands.  I think I'll get drunk,  I think I'll go out and take what I don't own and I'll say what ever the fuck I like, and if you don't like it, you can suck my dick.

So they go off and rebel against the current establishment and is aware that any dreams that he/she may harbour are just that and the only thing they have to look forward to is death.  So, fuck it; I might as well have as much fun as possible.  Eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow we will die.  They only start to use their brains once it's too late.  I have a sexual disease and god didn't prevent it, why?  You are a complete moron and now you have to face the music, so sing bitch, sing!

As each generation is brought into this world, the situation will only get worse until we as a society realise that these morals might be the problem in the first place.  Not being god I don't think I can ever be always right and I don't think I have the right to force my opinions on to someone else directly or through the use of emotional black mail.  Sub then ask me; if children are not guided, how will they learn.  You encourage them and discipline them but, you do not mould that person into what you want or need.  You make them aware of the pleasure and the pain and let them get on with it.  If they decide to take a certain course of action; that's their fault and they will have to deal with it and do not expect me to drag them out of their own pit they find themselves in.  I laughed at that notion, taking into account the predicament I now find myself in.  Fate it seems is not without a sense if irony.

Hey sub; yes it replies.  Have you ever thought to yourself, if only I had done this, or said that, my life would have changed immeasurably for the better?  Sub says that talking to yourself and reply to your own questions should be more of a concern at the moment, and getting grip on reality first.  You do have a point!  What do you think I should do to get myself out of this situation I find myself in?

Have you ever thought that you can change the world around you by just trying to imagine it exist?  What do you mean sub I enquired?   For instance; have you ever thought that the reason you find yourself in this dark place for so long is because you actually want to be here?  Why would I want to be in a dark pit all by myself sub?  You tell me said sub.  Are you trying to tell me that I can just will my self out of this situation just by the power of my mind?  I'm telling you said sub.

I sat down and thought about this for a moment.  Could I really just change my surroundings by just the will of my mind?  OK I thought, let try something simple.  I hate being in the dark all the time.  So I closes my eye and told myself that when I open them I would see light and where ever the hell I was.  I kept my eyes intently closed as I convinced myself that the world outside wasn't as dark as I thought; it was a beautiful spectrum of colour and light.  When I opened my eyes, to my surprise I could see and I could see where I was.  It took me a while for my eyes to adjust to the newly lit room that I had found myself in.  This place looked familiar, as if I had been here before.  Wait a second, I had never been here before; this is a set of a TV show I once saw a long time ago called Friends.

So I started to convince myself that in front of me was a tasty juicy rump steak, with mushrooms, chips, fried onions and a cold beer on a table and just as before it happened.  After enjoying what felt like the first meal I had ever had, knowing it wasn't, I started to imagine that I had a key to the door that I would imagine out of thin air and it obliged.  How about I imagine a few friends for me to talk to and maybe talk about the good old times.  I closed my eyes and when I opened them nothing.  OK I thought; this time I will, will them to exist with all my available powers but when I opened my eyes, there was no one to talk to.  I sat down on a chair that had been there and thought about it for a moment. 

Why can I not will someone to talk to? sub said that maybe I don't really want to talk to anyone.  Perhaps what I really want is someone to just confirm my beliefs and opinions.  If that was true, I could just delude myself without the need of others couldn't I?  A sigh came from within and sub said that you can't confirm your own thoughts, that's why you have other people to give them substance.  This is getting me nowhere and nowhere fast.

If I can will myself out of here, why don't I just will where I want to be as well.  I imagined what it must be like to be in the heart of Tokyo in the middle of the day, with a cute women on my arm, who wasn't jealous and there I was.  I thought this was great.  I could do or be what ever I wanted to be; I could see who I wanted and when I wanted as well.  So I started to live out my most carnal desires and did everything nasty that I could imagine and believe me when I say this, that I have a dark mind.  After a while I started to get really tired from staying up every night, have six in a bed at one time, getting drunk and trying different drugs, which always seemed weird, as I was making this shit up in the first pace.  I started to become constantly tired and started to wish I could just be left alone.  I stared to will things out of existence until eventually I woke up and everything was pitch black.  I don't know how long I have been here.  It could be months, or it you be years, you loose touch with realty with out a light source to tell you the passing in time.