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This
is my imagination of how the Sony big wigs thought up the specs for the
Playstation 3.
One
night the Sony heads return back to the Japanese head quarters after getting
laid in a brothel and drinking a lot of alcohol and dropping acid. Ken rolls a four foot joint; that’s right;
a four foot joint; using a hundred rizlers, 300 cigarettes and one kilo of
marijuana. He passes it to the
Scottish guy who is now the head of Sony and they begin to talk.
Scottish
guy; ”So what’s the news on the new Playstation 3?”
Ken; ”We have this really powerful chip from IBM but it’s going to cost a
fortune. We are using a graphics set
from Nvidia and we will be using a DVD drive”
Scottish
guy; ”Can’t we use this Blu-ray drive that we invented?”
Ken; ”That thing is too costly and it will push the price of the machine too
high. We’re talking stupid money.”
Scottish
guy; ”Look at Bob in the corner.” They turn to see an executive who decided to green light the blu-ray
project rocking backwards and forwards saying; “ Beta max, DAT, Minidisc,
Beta max, DAT, Minidisc, Beta max, DAT, Minidisc.”
Scottish
guy; ”Now do you want to tell him that the Billions of dollars that his
department spent on Blu-ray was wasted for nothing. No, you will put this blue ray drive into
the PS3 and we will be able to make Toshiba suffer for not listing to us.”
Ken; ”That will make the machine around 900 dollars, we can’t afford to do that.”
Scottish
guy; ”My hands are tied by the idiot who decided to push this format. We have these blue ray machine coming out
in a couple of years and we need to sell this crap.”
Scottish
guy. ”Can it run High Definition?”
Ken; ”Why?”
Scottish
guy; ”Well we’ve got a SHITE load of LCD and Plasma TVs that we can’t sell
for love or money; you’d be doing us a favour if it could and we can clear
our back catalogue of stock before we release our new 1080p displays at a
stupid amount of money near to the consoles release and as we have nothing to
fear from Microsoft and (spits on the floor) “Nintendo, we can convince our
fans to buy all new equipment and the tell them that they need to buy new
equipment to truly enjoy the machine.” He he he.
Ken; ”Won’t the public realise that they been taken for a ride?”
Scottish
guy; ”That they will, but they won’t do a thing about it being the mindless
idiots that they are. As soon as they
see the Sony logo on the machine, they’ll gladly pay the extra cost just to
have our name on it.”
Ken; ”I know your our new chairman and are ruthless, but don’t you think that’s
taking it a little bit too far?”
Scottish
guy; ”Listen sonny; this company is loosing serious amounts of cash on the
stupid ideas of my predecessor and I am going to make sure that we get as much
money from any source possible. There
are only so many Spiderman movies that can be produced before the public
looses interest and that franchise is keeping the company afloat. So go away and think of way to help us
recoup the money. I will give you a
billion dollars to spend on the machines development.”
Ken
thinks to himself. I think a nice big
new house is in order and a new Swiss bank account. He he he.
The
bosses drag on the joint for another ten minutes, as they’re beginning to
return to planet Earth.
Ken; ”When do you want this thing ready to ship? 5 years? Ten years?”
Scottish
guy; ”18 months.”
Ken; ”Are you F**king kidding me? How are
we going to get enough blue ray drives, CPUs, GPUs or enough other components
to even get this thing ready in time to test that the machine can even work
let alone reduce it to size to fit into a console sized box? You are aware that IBM haven’t even
started to produce test chips?”
Scottish
guy; ”Look Ken, the banks are up my arse so far, they can see my tonsils and
if I don’t provide them with something, they’re going to take the company
over or stop lending us large sums of money and at the moment, if this
company was a human; there would be a doctor waiting to fill in our death
certificate, so cut the crap and I don’t care what you do, get it ready and
just lie if you have to; it worked that last time you released a games
console and we sold a hundred million of the them.”
Ken; ”OK, I’ll see what we can do. You do
realise that we won’t have anything that you couldn’t do on the Playstation 2
in that short a time frame and we’ll be the laughing stock; I mean we’ll be
an even bigger laughing stock than we are now.”
Scottish
guy; ”If we can produce a games console with the power of the latest PC and
is better than the XBOX 360, we can charge whatever we want, but we’ll have
to make it sound so great that everyone will have to buy one and by selling
the our surplus TVs and making use of our new stupidly expensive blue ray
drive we might at least appear on the way up, even though we are in deep,
deep SHITE. Now pass me the whisky,
I’m beginning to sober up.”
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