I find it interesting that so many people think that they are right and that therefore; logically, I must be wrong.  They talk to me like I’m some kind of fool.  They try to force or use emotional black mail to get me to tell them what I think.  The trouble is that I have learnt to rely on my self emotionally to such an extent, that any questions that require a personal answer is considered an intrusion of my privacy.

Recently my mother passed away and I don’t trust anyone enough to tell them how I feel.  I find it funny that individuals whose actions gave the impressions of someone who care nothing, suddenly start to show an interest in myself and all because I now frequent the same establishments that they do.  They don’t visit me or call me but as soon as I appear at this establishment; they seemed to think that I should open up my soul to them at a moments notice.

They try to give me a hope of something that has been promised for the last thousand years or so.  I all seems like a thinly veiled attempt to try and control me.  It seems that life is nothing more than control.

You go to work and are controlled for the hours, you go to a church and they try and control you emotions and last but not least; they tell you that you should get married and what little control you had left is gone and for what? To zap the last morsels of self confidence until you wished you were dead.

They decide what is a useful way to spend your time.  You aren’t allowed to be an individual.  You must follow certain rules.  You can’t do this and you can’t do that; you should do this and you should do that.  If you don’t; you can’t associate with them.  I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore.  If it means that being myself means that I have to forgo some time that never happened in the first place anyway; I’m prepared to tolerate this.

The problem is that these type of people don’t have anything to bargain with and try to change that but I have learnt that they can only take what you are prepared to let them take.  Perhaps I am rambling as usual but from now on; if you don’t like me; good.  Just don’t waste your time trying to tell me what to do.