Author:  Michael James Allen

Name: A world that never was

Characters in the play

David Beckham:  He is a footballer in his mid thirties and is married to Victoria Beckham.  He has three children and  currently plays for the LA Galaxies.

Victoria Beckham:  David’s wife

James is a friend of David from his time in secondary school.  He used to watch him when he was having trials at Manchester United.

Boss: A generic boss who is strung up and stressed all the time.

Customer

Sooty:  A puppet from the Sooty show

Pikachu:  A small yellow rodent that has the ability to use electricity as a weapon

Boy a is about 12 years old

Boy b is 13 years old

We watch David Beckham playing for Manchester United and David is about to score a goal; when all of a sudden, everything goes white.  When David regains consciousness, he finds himself standing behind a counter in Mac Donald’s.  He looks around the shop for a little while before his boss tells him to hurry up and serve the customers.

David:  What’s going on?

Boss:  What are you talking about?  Are you OK?

David:  I was about to score a goal for Manchester United and all of a sudden I find myself here in a fast food store

Boss:  What are you talking about you never played for Manchester United.

David:  What are you talking about?  I won six premiership medals with that club.

Whilst they argue, James walks into the store and eventually gets to the front of the line.

David:  James, how are you?

James:  I’m OK, how are you?

David:  Can you tell my boss that I play for Manchester United?

James:  What are you talking about?  You never played for Manchester United

David:  What do you mean?

James:  Don’t you remember?  You had some trials with the club but were never                                  picked up by them

David:  If that’s the case, how did I play for them in the Champions League final and we beat Bayern Munich.

James:  Listen; you never played for Manchester United and not having any skills, you ended up working here.

David:  I don’t understand

James:  You…  Never…  Played…  For Manchester United.

David:  You’re going to tell me that I never married posh spice either.

James:  You’re single; you’ve always been single.  You never have the confidence to talk to women.

David:  If that’s the case, how comes I have memories of playing for Manchester United?

James:  Your memories are probably nothing more than fantasies of a life you want to live

David:  Something is wrong.  I know I played for Manchester United

Boss:  I’d keep those thoughts to yourself; someone might think you are loosing your mind

David turns to sooty

David:  you believe me don’t you sooty

Sooty:  I believe you David; if you say you played for Manchester United, then you must have done.

David:  Wait a second; Sooty never spoke. 

Sooty:  I do now

David thinks to himself.  “I’m talking to a glove puppet that can speak; something’s wrong here.”

David:  Sooty; you’re a glove puppet; how are you able to speak?

Sooty:  (angrily) I’m not a glove puppet!  What are you talking about?

David wrenches Sooty from the other side of the counter to find a small set of legs.  He looks over the counter to find a small hovering platform.

“What the hell,” thinks David.  “There is something seriously wrong here.  Sooty has legs?”

Sooty: (dusting him self down) Are you satisfied punk?

David:  I guess so, but this doesn’t make sense.

Sooty:  If I were you, I would seek professional help

Boss:  I think he’s right.  Until you seek professional help, you are on paid leave.

David leaves the shop and makes his way home.  David thinks, “Home.  I don’t even know where home is?”  As he passes a hovering car the truth suddenly hits him.  He looks around and realises that he’s looking at a computer generated world.  It looks like a computer game, or perhaps a movie designed by Pixar.  They made ‘Toy Story,’ ‘Incredibles,’ etc.  Whilst he watches, a huge cat with light coming out of its eyes runs towards him and stops.  He suddenly realises that this cat has windows and a door for people to enter it.  Some people get on and off the bus/cat/thing.  The Cat-bus turns to David and says;

Cat-bus:  Are you getting on or what?  I have another six stops to make

David:  What the hell?

Cat-bus:  Are you getting on or not?

David:  I guess so; I don’t know where I’m going anyway.

Cat-bus:  That’s a bit deep for first thing in the morning, don’t you think?

David just shrugs his shoulders and gets on the bus, not actually knowing where the bus is going

About an hour later, the cat-bus comes to a halt and he say, “Last stop; everyone off.”

David gets off the bus and notices that he is standing in front of an amusement park.  He walks into the park and see lots of rides, people dressed up as humans and all the customers look like characters from cartoons, comics and something called Manga.  One of the customers walks up to him and asks him

Customer:  Are you one of the exhibits in the park?

David:  (angrily) No I’m not.

Customer:  But you look like one; are you sure?

David:  Yes I’m sure!

Customer: (angrily) There’s no need to shout at me; I only asked

The customer goes back to what David presumes is its parent.  Some kind of bear with wings was the best he could interpret what it was.

David thinks, “I know that something is wrong, but I just can’t put my finger on what it might be?”

Whist he walks a little further, he spot a small yellow character and sweat starts to pour from his face:

Pikachu:  Pika Pika

David:  Pika Pika this mother f**ker

And proceeds to beat the little creature to death.  He thinks to himself that this isn’t real anyway.  David starts to laugh insanely.

Soliloquy

David:  What the hell is going on?

David:  I know I’m a footballer;  I know that the world doesn’t look like this;  I know that something is wrong but I don’t know what it could be.

David:  everything is wrong in the world.  Last time I remember, the world was the complete opposite to the way it appears to be.

David starts to cry and puts his hands to his face.  Whilst he does this, he hears a faint voice saying, “David!  David!”  Who is that voice?  It sounds familiar.  Where is it coming from?  David starts to black out and then all of a sudden, he wakes up sweating and he looks around to see Victoria looking at him in concern.

Victoria:  Are you alright David?

David:  I don’t know.  I was working in Mac Donald’s and no one knew that I played for Manchester United.

Victoria:  Don’t worry about it; dreams can be very strange sometimes

David lies back on the bed and thinks, “but it felt so real.”  “How do I know that I’m not still asleep or unconscious now?”  “Could I wake up and find that my life has all been a dream?”  “Don’t think about it too much, or it will drive you insane.”

The camera draws away from the sleeping couple and the exterior of a monitor starts to appear.  The camera then pans to someone playing what appears to be a computer game.

Boy a:  Football Manager looks really real these days; if I didn’t know that this was a computer game, I would swear we were controlling real people.

Boy b:  It’s amazing how real the emotions have developed in computer games these days.

Boy a: Yeah; I know what you mean

The two boys turn off the computer and go out to play